I can’t handle my life right now… I have zero personal space. I want my bed back. I want my life back.
When I am not working I lay awake numb jn my bed. Tears fall down my face everyday. I no longer believe in happiness. Tonight I considered finding information on homeless shelters rather than continue living where I am now. I don’t have one single family member around me; I have nothing. I shouldn’t be pregnant. What can I offer to a child if I can’t even love myself? I was loved once; I can remember what that felt like. I no longer feel loved. I’m put down because I show more love towards my dog than anyone else. My dog is the only thing in my life that is constant right now besides this fetus sucking life from inside of me. I am not shown love therefore I do not show love. I’m the most vulnerable I have ever been. I sit and cry because I miss the way being loved.felt. I long for it. I used to be #1 now I am ranked low. Many others come before me. I am seen as an item. My child will be “just another kid” especially if it is a boy. My first born was supposed to be special. I was supposed to be the happiest. Daddy was supposed to be so proud. I went and fucked up another part of my life. I can’t fix it even if I tried. Half of the time I think of putting the child up for adoption if it’s dad and I end up splitting. I don’t know if I can handle living with someone as cruel as him for the rest of my life just because we share a child together. A child that would never.get 100% of Daddy’s love and attention…. I will sit and wonder for the rest of my.life why my cards got dealt like this. Why I didnt have a child 2 years ago… I am so hurt and confused. When I am not at work I lay in bed and think of suicide. I think of dying. I long for just one person to understand but no one ever will. I can’t trust the only person I had left. We all know how that worked out last time. I always get jyped. Help me.
I have been truly loved once in my life and I remember what that feels like.